Hedgehog in the fog

Some days we look into the face of darkness, or feel it's shadow hanging over us.
Yesterday was such a day. Someone dear to me but physically miles away, had to go through something horrible.

Let's call her the hedgehog. The hedgehog had to go through the horrible, let's call it fog. She did not have much of a choice, the fog just came over her, the way all living things have day after day with all kind of weather coming over them. This fog though was particularly thick and as the hedgehog swallowed it she could not imagine there would be another side. She could not imagine that there would be a visible landscape ever again. Living innocently in the present, with her wide open eyes there is nothing but fog in the middle of the fog.

So I got a telephone call, saying the hedgehog I love got dissolved in the worst kind of fogs. And the worst thing was: there was nothing I could do. From that moment on I felt like I was my hedgehog, I was the fog myself. Wherever I went and saw beings I saw my hedgehog and I felt so sad about her. I felt like I had not seen her until now I could not..

Today I watched Hedgehog in the Fog on YouTube, shared with me by a poet-friend I only know from Facebook. It made me burst in to laughter again and again. It made me aware of the love and beauty of my dear hedgehog. Now I can't see her, but I can be happy that she is there. I can be happy for what is there, the way it is. My hedgehog has placed everything where it belongs, in perspective. With a heart that lives in the middle of the fog, the planet of love in her own beautiful centre. How can she who is one not find herself again?

Today I read Frederick Leboyer's beautiful book 'Atmen, singen, gebaeren' (in german). It is about using breath and voice to stay above the waves (the birthing-contractions). A voice, a tone that feels like 'yourself' is all that is needed to not let the ship strand. While reading I experienced again, feeling freshly born in the simple beauty of a day.

Today I met the midwife on the playground who was there when I gave birth to my first child, a bright shining daughter. The last year I accidently met her was almost a year ago. Whenever I see her my heart skips a beat! Not only did she help to give my daughter, another beloved hedgehog of mine, a peaceful way through the 'hurricane' of birth, also she gave me the most gentle birth of becoming a mother I could possibly imagine.

Today I can imagine, she will get through, my beloved hedgehog.. Today the world appeared to me as a magical theatre filled with signs about getting through.

In this video clip the hedgehog is so happy in the end to listen to the bear, her friend who reminds her that without her, he can't look at the stars the same way. Without realising it, she has always been the one who knows the way, is the way.

My love goes out to you, my prickly sweetheart..